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[SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION] Everything's Coming Up Roses

Everything’s coming up roses! I’m right on top of that, Rose! Since the invention of romance, roses have always been around as a symbol of love. Or, if you’ve ever seen Beauty and the Beast, roses are a symbol of your waning hope of ever being able to be transformed back into a human through some creepy black magic from an old hag who lives in the French countryside. Man, fairy tales are convoluted. It doesn’t matter. Anyone who ever showed up with a dozen roses probably had a successful evening. Don’t believe me? Listen to “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore” sometime.

So, we’ve rounded up 12 rose-printed products that will totally make you stop and smell them, right?  Read it here.


[GIFTED] Shinola Leather Baseballs

So you're dating someone who's really into baseball.  Like, REALLY into baseball.  This is unfortunate for you, because watching an entire baseball game is like sitting through six pointless marketing meetings IN A ROW. 

Somehow, though, he always convinces you to go to a game, mainly appealing to your desire to sit outside and stuff your face with beer and hot dogs.  You trek out to the ballpark, which is usually at least 17 hours away from your home (give or take).  At first, everything is glorious.  You're outside, you've got a beer in-hand, you're eating high-sodium foodstuffs.  Then, you remember that baseball is THE MOST BORING THING ON EARTH.  You remember that you HATE baseball.  You try to distract yourself by Instagramming photos of the field.  Baseball fields are Instagram gold.  This takes up exactly 2 minutes.  You try to amuse yourself by judging players by their at-bat music.  This is only semi-amusing. 

You try to convince your boyfriend to leave during the 7th inning stretch.  NO DICE.  It's late and you're tired and you start to remember your 17 hour commute back home.  This is what you look like.  You stop rooting for a specific team.  You just want SOMEONE to win so you can leave.  You regret not drinking more—maybe this would be more fun if you were supremely intoxicated.  You get into a fight with your boyfriend because you wanted to leave 3 hours ago and he wants to stay to see the end of the game which will be over in approximately 2 more hours.  You convince him to leave 30 minutes later.  You sit in silence on your 17 hour commute back home.  You never want to be "taken out to the ball game" again.   

Then, you remember that this is supposed to be a joyful pastime, America's pastime, something your boyfriend really enjoys, and that you should have just sucked it up and maybe sucked down a few more beers and Dip N Dots with a smile on your face.  As a make-up gift, get him one of these Shinola Leather Baseballs ($40, Shinola) that wll look handsome on his desk or on a shelf in his apartment.  And next time, just tell him to go to the game with a friend. 


[GIFTED] IcyBreeze Air Conditioner Cooler

You like the IDEA of being outside, but what you really like more is the idea of locking yourself in your bedroom with the air conditioner blasting while watching Netflix.  Seriously, when it's so hot out, there's no frolicking.  There's only trudging.  And who wants to trudge through heat and humidity?  What's the pay off?  A beautiful sunset?  Who cares.  Nature is NOT worth it in the dead of summer. 

Well, finally, for all of you delicate princesses out there, you've got a way to enjoy the outdoors in the middle of summer while still being hit with the Arctic breeze of AC.  The IcyBreeze Air Conditioner Cooler ($279) is a fully-functioning cooler (aka, throw some ice and beer in it) that harnesses the cold air within and blows it out your way via a powerful three-speed fan connected to a built-in hose on the top of the cooler.  The rechargeable battery keeps this baby going through camping trips, picnics, and beach days.  Now, get outside.  You've officially run out of excuses. 



Ah, the ever-elusive, moody, sensitive designer. To define them simply, a designer is an artist with a job. Sure, he had big dreams of being the next Jackson Pollock back when he was in art school, but you know what’s even more expensive than a useless art school degree? Living in the type of cities that artists like to congregate in. This explains the aforementioned job. Artistic passion don’t pay the rent, amiright? So, the designer’s soul gets crushed every day at work as he’s tasked at designing things like “marketing collateral” and “advertorials” and “mock-ups” instead of masterpieces that will be hung in fine art museums.

Help cheer up this jaded soul with the following gifts that are perfect for a fledgling designer.  Read it here


[GIFTED] Jerk Balloons

So you're planning a goodbye party for a co-worker that you are less than affectionate about.  Another way of putting this is that you are planning a goodbye party for a co-worker you can't stand.  It's more of a "good riddance" party rather than a goodbye party, but no need to mince words.

Imagine this asshole co-worker's office festooned with these Jerk Balloons ($9 for set of 25, Fairgoods).  How appropriate it will look, right?  And if anyone questions the intentions behind these balloons, you can just say, "Haha, I'm joking!" and they'll believe you, because they want to.  But you'll know the truth.