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Entries in under $75 (85)


[GIFTED] Le Labo Santal 26 Candle

So, here's the situation.  You are a straight man who happens to like nice things and an impeccably designed home.  But perhaps you're not secure enough in your manhood to bring home fresh-cut flowers or buy linen-scented Yankee candles to light and enjoy while you're playing PS3. 

Help is on the way!  Pick up this Santal 26 Candle ($60, Le Labo).  The wax is poured into a vintage style banged-up tin can so you can look manly while enjoying the sheer femininity of surrounding yourself in candlelight. 

You might think the concept of a bro-friendly candle is ridiculous, and that women love men who are confident and sensitive and all of that garbage, but I know a girl who promptly left a guy's apartment because he had "too many houseplants."  "What is he, a goddamned gardener?" she said.  "I bet he watches Martha Stewart.  What a WOMAN."

Moral of the story?  MAN UP AND WATCH YOUR BACK.  Women are ridiculous and fickle and make an average of 17 contradictory decisions in the 15 minutes it takes you to figure out which sandwich you should order for lunch. 


[GIFTED] Recycled Mail Sack iPad

Maybe I've just been pining over an iPad for too long that I've been unnaturally attracted to iPad cases.  MAYBE.  But take a look at this Recycled Mail Sack iPad Case ($55, Uncommon Goods)

Sure, one iPad equals one postal workers' entire paycheck, but whatever. 


[GIFTED] Nooka Strip Belts

Oh, what's up George Jetson?

Remember when you were a kid and Dip N Dots came out and they billed them as "THE ICE CREAM OF THE FUTURE?"

While I was a very cynical child, I was still unfortunately gullible and believed that regular ice cream, the kind I knew and loved, was going to be taken off the market in favor of these frozen rodent pellets that you could get at hockey games and amusement parks. 

My point?  The idea of "the future" is bullshit.  The Jetsons was supposed to take place in 2001 or some shit, and it's 10 years past that and I STILL don't have an annoying robot maid or a hot wife.

And while we're probably never going to look like we live on Mars, perhaps it's fun to dress like we do.  If you want to deck yourself out like you just hopped off a goddamned spaceship, pick up a Nooka Strip Belt ($50, Nooka).  It's made out of Ellastolan thermoplastic polyurethane and looks like it came off of a spaceman or one of the costumes from Mamma Mia


[GIFTED] Dollar Symbol 

Do you play "Damn it Feels Good to Be a Gangsta" before you go on job interviews?  Do you hold money in higher regard than the important things in life like booze, sex, and meaningful relationships?  Show off your black heart with this golden Dollar Symbol ($62, Etsy).  It'll look great in your office.  You spend all of your time there anyway, right?  Thought so.


[ETSY] Natural Edge Cutting Board

Deep down, all hippies want to sit around in a log cabin, surrounded by natural materials.  No plastic, no polyester, no synthetic ANYTHING.  One of my hippie friends once told me that she measures time by how long it takes a stick of incense to burn out (one hour).  Great.

Someone who measures time by burning sticks would love a big slap of wood as a cutting board.  She'll be able to slice her kale in style with this Natural Edge Cutting Board ($62, Red Onion Woodworks).