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Monday
Feb132017

Not a Brothel Doormat


If you have a teenage daughter, it's important to set ground rules—not only for her, but for the gaggle of raggamuffins she'll inevitably bring through your door during her high school and college years.  This not-so-subtle Not a Brothel Doormat ($34, Overstock) will let everyone know what the house rules are. Keep it together, kids.  

Wednesday
Jan252017

Copper DIY Wreath Kit

You've got a friend who's really into crafts and DIY.  She makes her own cheese and knits her own socks. She was obsessed with making terrariums for awhile and gives everyone something homemade in a mason jar for Christmas. That's why, if you need to get her a gift, you should get her this Copper DIY Wreath Kit ($25, Huckberry).  You know she'll love it, and hang it in her home forever.    

Wednesday
Jan042017

Burton X South Park Hats 

 

Want to feel old?  South Park is celebrating its 20th anniversary in 2017.  The crudely-animated show burst onto the scene when a lot us were in middle school, and if your parents were anything like my parents, they tried to prevent you from watching it, which made you more determined to find a way to watch it (and you did).

South Park quickly became Comedy Central's crown jewel, and the characters, instantly iconic.  On face value, it was gross and gratuitously violent, but if you looked deeper (once you were older, perhaps), South Park provided some of the best satire we've ever seen.

So, in celebration of this milestone (20 years! Everyone wanted it banned from TV the year it first aired), Burton has released Burton X South Park Hats (Starting at $30), which features instantly-recognizable head gear from Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and Kyle.  If you buy the Kenny hat—be prepared for people to scream, "OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED KENNY, YOU BASTARD," over and over at you again until Spring arrives.  

Wednesday
Dec282016

Taco Dreams Mobile

When you have a baby, you have a lot of hopes and dreams for them, but in general, you probably have a desire to have them be just like you, or, at least a little like you (unless you hate yourself).  Having a kid is at least partially an exercise in vanity, right?  I mean, come on, the world's population is way too high, so it's not like you're procreating to ensure the survival of the human race—you're doing it because you want to point at a kid that looks like you and acts like you and say, "I made that."    

So, maybe you have a kid and you hope that he also grows up to love muscle cars and Mexican food.  Good news: when the kid is little, you have 100% influence over him, so you can start sowing the seeds of creating your own little mini-me early.  This Taco Dreams Mobile ($48, Uncommon Goods) will almost certainly create a junior guacamole lover.  Who can stare up at tiny tacos, avocados, and bottles of hot sauce without wanting to dig in?  Nobody. 

Thursday
Dec082016

Merry Cast of Christmas Characters Cards

So you're adult enough to want to send out Christmas cards but you're not SO adult that you have a cadre of kids to feature on photo cards?  We've got the perfect in-betweener for you: Merry Cast of Christmas Characters Cards ($30 for 8, Pop Chart Lab).  

Featuring the merry faces of characters from iconic Christmas movies (Bill Murray in Scrooged, Bruce Willis in Die Hard, Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone, and more), everyone will delight in holiday nostalgia when they open this card from. PROTIP: write in the lines from the movies as your message, so you don't have to fill people in on your year (ie: still single, still at the same job, still shouldering massive student loan debt, still depressed over the election results, etc).  Here are a few suggestions:

To your brother: Keep the change, ya filthy animal.   

To your mom & dad: SANTA?! I KNOW HIM!

To your great aunt: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker! (JKJKJKJK)