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Entries in apparel (229)

Monday
Jun122017

Vollebak Nano Meter Hi-Viz Shirt 

Your dad is on a fitness kick for some reason (ie: he's trying to outrun his own inevitable mortality), and while you're happy that he's trying to get healthy after years of thinking broccoli smothered in cheese sauce counted as a serving of vegetables, you're concerned about the old guy taking a tumble or stroking out in front of the cul de sac in your childhood neighborhood.  

Give yourself peace of mind while he's insisting on going on early morning jogs or late night bike rides by gifting him this Vollebak Nano Meter Hi-Viz Shirt ($195) for Father's Day, which is not only comfortable and sweat-wicking, but it's equipped with high-tech motion capture markers that light up when hit by any passing light source (a speeding vehicle, anyone?).  You'll be happy, he'll be happy, and most importantly, your MOM will be happy.   

Monday
Apr172017

Mary Poppin Bottles T-Shirt

Mary Poppins: the nanny of all nannies, the British lady who single-handedly got two kids to clean up their rooms by merely singing a song, transported them into cartoon fox hunt with a random Cockney chimney sweep by somehow jumping into a chalk drawing, used a clever bit of reverse pyschology to get them to go to bed (the song "Stay Awake," of course), and educated the kids' banker father about the evils of capitalism like a young, beautiful, more realistic Bernie Sanders.  The guy was named MR. BANKS for Christ's sake, but somehow she got him to give up on money and go fly a friggin' kite.  What a miracle worker.

You wanna be as big of a badass as Mary Beyonce Poppins?  You can try.  First step?  Wear this Mary Poppin Bottles T-Shirt ($28, Buy Me Brunch) and stuff your giant bag with bottles of alcohol instead of a full-sized hat rack and then sing "Spoonful of Sugar" when everyone's taking shots.     

Thursday
Mar232017

Literally Dead T-Shirt 

For all the basic bitches who toss around the word "literally" even though they're using it in completely the wrong way, this Literally Dead T-Shirt ($20, Human) is appropos but also a good lesson in what the word "literally" actually (or literally) means.  Look for a follow-up "I can't" shirt as well. 

Monday
Mar062017

Namaste at the Bar Tank Top

Some people spend their weekends "getting centered."  Sleeping, eating healthy, maybe taking a yoga class. READING FOR PLEASURE, PERHAPS.  That's great.  Good for those assholes, who use the weekends for recharging instead of raging.

But for us NORMAL PEOPLE who use weekends as an excuse to get shitfaced and eat everything you're not supposed to only to start the calorie counting clock again on Monday, this Namaste at the Bar Tank Top ($36, Buy Me Brunch) is the perfect thing to wear.  Enjoy your downward dogs, ladies—we're enjoying our 52 beers at the bar at 2pm on a Sunday.    

Monday
Jan302017

Mercury in Retrograde Pin

"Mercury must be in retrograde" has become the white lady's preferred way of saying "my bad."  It has something to do with the spinning of the planets or some other bullshit, but basically it's certain people's way of explaining away bad behavior, weird shit happening, and the like.  If you're one of those ladies who will blame everything from flaking on Thursday night drinks plans to horrifying car crashes on poor old Mercury, fasten this Mercury in Retrograde ($15, Pintrill) to your jacket and let everyone know that you're full of excuses and zero accountability.  Welcome to Trump's America!