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Entries in apparel (226)

Monday
Mar062017

Namaste at the Bar Tank Top

Some people spend their weekends "getting centered."  Sleeping, eating healthy, maybe taking a yoga class. READING FOR PLEASURE, PERHAPS.  That's great.  Good for those assholes, who use the weekends for recharging instead of raging.

But for us NORMAL PEOPLE who use weekends as an excuse to get shitfaced and eat everything you're not supposed to only to start the calorie counting clock again on Monday, this Namaste at the Bar Tank Top ($36, Buy Me Brunch) is the perfect thing to wear.  Enjoy your downward dogs, ladies—we're enjoying our 52 beers at the bar at 2pm on a Sunday.    

Monday
Jan302017

Mercury in Retrograde Pin

"Mercury must be in retrograde" has become the white lady's preferred way of saying "my bad."  It has something to do with the spinning of the planets or some other bullshit, but basically it's certain people's way of explaining away bad behavior, weird shit happening, and the like.  If you're one of those ladies who will blame everything from flaking on Thursday night drinks plans to horrifying car crashes on poor old Mercury, fasten this Mercury in Retrograde ($15, Pintrill) to your jacket and let everyone know that you're full of excuses and zero accountability.  Welcome to Trump's America! 

Wednesday
Jan042017

Burton X South Park Hats 

 

Want to feel old?  South Park is celebrating its 20th anniversary in 2017.  The crudely-animated show burst onto the scene when a lot us were in middle school, and if your parents were anything like my parents, they tried to prevent you from watching it, which made you more determined to find a way to watch it (and you did).

South Park quickly became Comedy Central's crown jewel, and the characters, instantly iconic.  On face value, it was gross and gratuitously violent, but if you looked deeper (once you were older, perhaps), South Park provided some of the best satire we've ever seen.

So, in celebration of this milestone (20 years! Everyone wanted it banned from TV the year it first aired), Burton has released Burton X South Park Hats (Starting at $30), which features instantly-recognizable head gear from Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and Kyle.  If you buy the Kenny hat—be prepared for people to scream, "OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED KENNY, YOU BASTARD," over and over at you again until Spring arrives.  

Wednesday
Nov022016

Jazz Things Up Boom Box Bag 

While a lot of people are precious about old school forms of listening to music—record players, boom boxes, and the like—even THEY have to admit that the best invention that happened to music in the past few decades is the MP3.  Not even the iPod, but the MP3—digitized versions of songs that allow you to have your entire music library with you everywhere you go, and the ability to play it through whatever bluetooth speaker is available.

Sure, there's something quaint about carting a giant boom box to the beach and listening to 24 songs max because that's all the two cassette tape deck could handle, but you know what's better?  Carrying around a thing that's the size of a deck of cards that has 3,000 songs on it.  Basically: we're never going back to boom boxes.    

You can still give a hat tip to boom boxes (and appropriate hip hop culture while you're at it, you big phony) with this Jazz Things Up Boom Box Bag ($398, Kate Spade), which is guaranteed to get you tons of compliments while you're strolling down the street listening to music on your iPhone.
Monday
Oct102016

Zero Fucks Given T-Shirt

Back when you were a teenager, you could fully develop a bad attitude and wrap yourself in it like a blanket. Disaffected youth, and all of that shit.  But now that you're an adult, you have to swallow your anger and apathy and pretend everything is great.  Like the meme says, "Being an adult is learning how to replace the words 'fuck you,' with 'okay, great!'"  

Every day, from 9 to 5, you pretend everything is fine.  You pretend to care about shit.  You pretend to give a fuck about things you definitely don't give a fuck about.  But then Friday rolls around, and you have 2.5 glorious days of respite where you don't have to pretend to care about anything that you don't care about (unless you happen to be visiting your in-laws that weekend). For those precious days, we have the perfect thing for you to wear: this Zero Fucks Given T-Shirt ($28, Buy Me Brunch). Wear it to the bar and let everyone know what's up.  You've HAD IT and you are no longer pretending. God bless.